just another entry

i have this unsettling feelings for the last two days, and it doesn't cease yet...it's just one of the case where a very tiny matter matters...it's really unsettling...everything i do, i feel like there's a huge solid rock that rests on my shoulder...i wonder if i did something wrong...do i feel like this because i did wrong with someone somewhere??or is there someone cursing me because of something i did??i can't think of anything i've done wrong...well, there's always my brother who i almost frequently kick/punch...i doubt he'd curse me behind my back...he'd throw it right on my face usually....and, i kick/punch him out of love...:P...then, there's the friends who i almost forget their existence...but, i think so do they....there's also the friend who i actually met coincidentally but i foolishly didn't bother to even say "hi"...but, the big BUT here, the friend is a guy..so, it's not really wrong for me not to approach him...but, another big BUT, i happened to say more than "hi" to another friend, who is also a guy, who i coincidentally met at that exact particular time...well, these are among many other things....there's no point of writing them down, which i've just realised...therefore, i wonder if this "unsettling" feeling is actually my defense mechanism that prevent me from feeling "guilty"...and i certainly didn't do anything worth of feeling guilty for...

that's all...

eat your food!!

what's the best way of staying skinny???

1.eat nothing, drinks plain water only.

2.eat anything but carbs.

3.eat proteins only.

4.eat fruits only.

5.eat low-calories food.

6.eat once a day.

7.eat at anytime except night-time.

all listed above are just almost IMPOSSIBLE for me...you see,when we're staying at home, it's unavoidable to eat our mums' cooking...rather it's rude if we don't eat them...my mother once said to me that she didn't want to cook because no one wanted to eat her cooking...that 'no one' actually was referring to ME....it's not that i didn't want to eat, but sometimes i just don't feel like eating..there were quite a few times when i thought having to eat is such a suffering...there were days when i had to force myself to eat as i've started to feel light-headed and couldn't quite walked in a straight line....and also there were days when i completely forgot to eat....often when the night came i wondered why did i feel dizzy, it was then i remembered that i hadn't eaten anything for the rest of the day....but during those times, i often reminded myself that having able to eat is a blessing...i reminded myself to think about those disabled and really old people who have lost their blessings to devour all those yummy food...i've got a few trauma regarding food...and till today there's certain food that i just couldn't bear to eat...i'm scared to eat it, to be exact...there's a few times when i upset my stomach and gotten a high fever along with it....it was terrible....and so, after these episodes i'll be watching my meals more carefully...to be honest, i'm really fussy when it comes to food...well, i lied...i'm fussy with almost anything...lol...

however,there were also days when i feel like stuffing my tummy with every food i could get my hands on..i would eat anything almost non-stop...rice, ice cream, fruits, bread, cakes; i would feel like i could stuff them all and never feel full...there were also days when i could eat very excessively eventhough i obviously had enough....that usually happened when i went to eat with my friends...we would order a lot of things and then, they would just stop eating, leaving a big portion behind...i would be the honorable 'trashcan' each time...though sometimes i hate eating, i hate leaving food uneaten even more...especially when i knew that i had to pay for it...

i wanted to write more but i've just realised that it's already past 1 a.m. and i haven't gotten my evening bath yet...well, not exactly evening, considering that it's already after midnight...and,my stomach's kind of growling at the moment...apparently i have forgotten about my dinner...i fed my cat, but i forgot to feed myself...

that's all....

book report!!

i've finished reading "Under the Dome"!!!! *clap*clap

the first 200 pages was a bit uninteresting, but the rest 800++ pages were real page-turners....lots of people died, which answered my expectation..well, there's a lot of ways of dying as i learnt from the story...the people there were either murdered, commited suicides (which, fyi, some had drug overdose, some had brain splattered all over the place,etc), freak accidents, burnt in wild fire, died due to absence of oxygen or extreme heat...actually,it's kind of exaggerated to say that "lots of people died"...in fact, almost all died, except for the main characters and their sidekicks...it's a really cheerful story right???

but,nevertheless, it's a good reading material...i'm going to start on the new books i've just bought...not Stephen Kings'...i figured his new book has to wait since i've found another must-read book...not going to mention the title till i've finished reading, that, if i have time and mood, and not stuck to this addictive beloved laptop of mine...

i've watched Harry Potter...love it...although many interesting scenes that happened in the book are not visualised in the movie...the Snape's part was just the BEST...love that guy...ohh, and i still love Sirius too...too bad both guys' dead...:(

a few freaky thoughts hit me as i watched the movie, "Voldemort's eyes' color is pretty..."

and "Snape's hair look really good.." and "Ginny's still not pretty...."

i really shouldn't focus on those kinds of things, but i did...

*forgive my rambling

that's all...

i've got babies

my kitty has given birth at last...yay..after suffering for a few weeks watching her carrying that huge belly(it is I who suffer, not her):P

she got 4 cute kittens...and i've started to wonder if ever the kittens survived, what am i supposed to do with them...it's not like my house is an animal shelter..that's a pretty harsh thing to say, i admit...but, kittens, just like babies, are pretty hard to handle, right???i love to watch them, taking care of them??i think i may need a little help...though i'm their unofficially fairy godmother...lol

i think an army of mosquitoes just attacked me last night....really hate those tiny blood-suckers...they're not even vampires...why the hell should they take so much blood from me??

okay, whatever...i'm just raving...

that's all^^